4 Reasons why mothers should not control their sons after marriage
Mothers are very wonderful people. Their love and care sometimes have no match. So many men owe their survival to the sacrifice of their mother. For some men, the memory of their mother forces tears through their eyes.
Despite these great motherly sacrifices, I see a great battle between men and their mothers. The mother’s desire to care for and control a son all the days of his life has turned into a life battle. Recently, I was involved in a serious family counseling case, in which the mother claimed, that because she suffered so much to care for her son, who had a prolonged childhood ailment, she has overriding power to control and rule the decisions of the son, including finances, even after the he had married and now with a child. As you would expect, the son’s wife was not taking any of it. There are many cases like this.
1. There is a limit to this parental attachment
So many mothers have refused to let go of their children even beyond their marriage age. They hold onto their sons, sometimes controlling them to the point that they can neither marry nor have a happy marriage. Mothers see their grown up sons as the same baby in the cradle. To our mothers a man at age 40 is still a boy, who cannot feed himself. They never acknowledge that the boy has become a man, and a Man of Valour.
Everyman must pay attention! Beyond a certain age in a man’s life, mother’s care and control can become a huge stumbling block to the man. There is a limit to this parental attachment. Some mothers have so much attachment to their sons that they consider their sons as their husband. Recently, a woman wedded her own son, claiming that she spent so much money to train him in the school. According to several sources, a Malawian mother married her 30-year-old son. She explained that her reason for doing this is because she has invested so much on him. The woman identified as Memory Njemani, and is 47-year-old believes that she worked so hard to train her son and she cannot allow another woman enjoy the fruits of her own labour. She also explained that it’s about time she enjoys herself with her son, because they both worked hard.
This is witchcraft of a new order. It is a spell of greed and fear, coated under parental care, projected to destroy the man. Mothers who claim ownership of their sons denying them the right to be a man and marry are selfish, greedy and sometimes manipulated by strange powers.
2. Men are losing control of their families
So many men have lost control of their families because of the controlling influence of their mother. Even after the son has married, some mothers move into their son’s new home to control the new family with divide and rule. They would say, “This is my son, I carried him in my womb for nine months, he sucked this my breast for 1 year.” They would question the son’s wife’s ability to care for their better than them. They plot everything possible to control the son away from the wife. They complain about everything they can lay hands on, including child bearing, food taste, greeting style, money and everything possible just to weep up sympathy for themselves.
Some mothers in the desperation to have their son back, have secretly arranged for a second wife for their son. They secretly arrange for the girl to get pregnant for their son, and bear children without the knowledge of the legitimate wife. This is evil and ungodly.
For this reason, so many men has lost control of their own family. Many men have died prematurely from emotional complications arising from these evil practices of desperate mother. Men must be wise. Do not be torn in-between two women. You cannot marry your wife and your mother.
3. A man must leave his mother and father
God has a plan for every man. At a point in life, a man must leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife and both shall become one flesh (Matthew 19:4). This is the order and command since creation, but some mothers are resisting this order. They want their sons to become their husband.
A man who cannot leave his mother and father to cleave to his wife is not ready for marriage, irrespective of his age. In fact, any man no matter how old, but still under the control of his mother is not ready for marriage. He should remain in his mother’s house until he is ready to obey the Godly order.
4. No Man can marry his mother and his wife
As a man, you must fight this battle wisely and liberate yourself from the yoke of adult parental control. Honour your parents, but do not sacrifice your own home and wife for them. The Bible says you should honour your parents in the Lord, not to marry them or remain a captured baby. As a man, you must take care of your parents, but you cannot marry your wife and marry your mother. If you try, you will fail. You must honour your parents, but you must not allow them place an everlasting yoke of control over you. You have a responsibility to your own wife, children and generation.
Here are some advice
- Do not bring your mother into your home to dictate how you should live and relate with your wife. You and your wife should decide how you should live with each other.
- If you are having challenges in child bearing, do not allow your mother heat up your home with pressure, suggestions and blames. She is not the one that gives children.
- Do not allow your mother decide whether your wife has ability to take care of you or not. It is your responsibility to train your wife in any area of her deficiency and grow up together with her.
- Do not bring your mother to decide what you should eat, when you should eat in your new home. She does not have such right after you are married. There is woman you call wife, now in the house. She deserves some respect.
- In the issues about your home, you are one with your wife first. Your mother is an extended family member and welcome to help with her opinion, but not to rule and control your home.
- Your mother should not decide who stays in your house, or who goes.
- Let your mother know you love her and would care for her by the actions of surprises.
- Let your wife be in the forefront of caring for your parents. I have tried this and it works. When I want to take care of my family, I let my wife play that role. It helps build friendship.
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