10 Secrets for building strong and happy marriage and family
Building a strong and happy marriage is not a walk in the park. Many have tried marriage to raise a family and failed. Many are scared of getting into it. Many who are married want to run away. Many who were married before, have sworn never to get married again. Nevertheless, some have succeeded in building strong and happy marriage. How did they do it? It is all about knowing the secrets. If you want to build a strong and happy family, here are 10 Secrets for building strong and happy marriage and family you must know.
Understand the Family BIG picture
Before you get into a marriage union, you must first understand the big picture. Firstly, family is the biggest and oldest institution on earth. It is bigger than the US government and all the governments of the world put together. It is established by the almighty God. It is the center for God’s plan for mankind.
Secondly, understand God’s purpose for instituting the family. Everything in life has a purpose. Where purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable. To understand the purpose of family, you must get into the mind of God. Family is the foundation for humanity to dominate the earth. Genesis 1:26: God said now, let us create man… This is a deliberate statement coming from a pre-purposed plan. This statement comes after God has created every other thing. God set the end in mind, which is the family then he started preparing for it from the beginning, with creation. The entire essence of creation, is to make provision and prepare the ground for the birth of the institution of the family. The sun, the moon, the ocean, the mountains, the plants, day and night all were created to prepare the earth for the birth of the family. If not for the creation of the family, God would not have created anything at all.
Then thirdly, the BIG picture. Family is the original purpose of God, created to raise a generation of God’s people who will dominate the earth, subdue it and overcome the powers of darkness. Marriage is a union between the man and the woman for the purpose of establishing the family. Thus, Family comes before marriage. Marriage ends, but family will not end. Stop thinking about me, myself, my marriage, think about your family, children, grandchildren and generations after you. Think about what you are leaving behind for them in the kingdom of God. That is the way God thinks. Think about the big picture. The big picture is dominion over the earth through the family, for generations in the kingdom. If your family is broken you can never fulfil the dominion mandate. If you think about the big picture, you will be patient and grow your family. This is a secret.
Have a family purpose
You must have a purpose and a vision for your family and your generation after you. A man without purpose has no direction. He is like a car without steering. He is going nowhere. The greatest tragedy in a man’s life is to get into marriage without a clear purpose for his life. Some men after marriage would turn and ask their wives, “what do we do now?” This is a tragedy. When a man takes a lady from his father’s house without a clear purpose for his life, the lady comes in confused not knowing what to do with the man. This is the beginning of most marriage crises.
Remember, your marriage can last for 50 -60 years at most, but your generation will last for 1000’s of years, if Christ Tarry’s. Both the man and the woman must have a common vision of what they want to leave behind. This purpose starts with the man. A man should know his purpose before taking a wife. This was why God placed Adam in the garden of Eden before and gave him the purpose of cultivating the garden before giving him Eve as a wife. Purpose and vision gives the marriage the reason to fight and survive challenges and disappointment. It give the man and the woman the strength to fight the family enemies together to the end.
If you are in marriage for what you will benefit yourself in your life time, you have missed it. (Genesis 19:15-26, Exodus 32:13-14). When couples lacks common vision in-line with God’s purpose for the family, then greed, pride, selfishness, secrecy, fear, arrogance, competition, impatience, dishonesty and envy begins to reign and will eventually destroy the family (1 Cor. 3:3, 2 Cor. 12:20, James 3:14-16, Rom 13:13). If you want to build a strong and happy family, then start by having a purpose and vision for your family and your generation.
Maintain the divine family order
God created the family following an order. First, he created the man, then the woman. The man is the foundation of the family. Just like the building foundation, the man is the foundation of the family. The woman is the beautiful walls, the colours and the roof (Genesis 2:22-23). The beauty of the family is the woman, but its strength is the foundation, which is the man. The man carries the weight of the family. Just like the building foundation, everything stands and falls on the strength of the man. If the foundation cracks, the building will collapse. So, it is for the family. If the man cracks, the family will collapse. The woman should not attempt to become the foundation and the man should not attempt to become the walls. Do not attempt to alter the order. Everyone must take his/her rightful positions if you want to build a strong and happy family. Today’s society is fighting very hard to change everything. Some men are desiring to sit at home and let the women work and provide for the family. Women are opting to become men and men opting to become women through transgender operations. These are battle unleashed on the family to destroy it. If you want to build a strong and happy family that will take dominion on earth, maintain the diving family order.
The man must leave and cleave
There is a command any man who wants to get married must obey. That command is this, “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and both shall be one flesh” (Matthew 19:4). This is a divine standing instruction for every man that can never be changed.
A man who is not prepared to leave his father and mother to cleave to his wife is not ready for marriage. He cannot build a strong and happy family. There is a reason why God gave Men this instruction. This will not be discussed here, but sure that a man who cannot leave to his parents t
o cleave to his wife cannot take decisions that will protect his family. Such a man cannot protect his wife from his parent’s harassment and insult. He will abandon his wife to the oppressive tendencies of his parents and other family members.
So many men have lost control of their families because of the controlling influence of their mother. As a man, you must take care of your parents, but you cannot marry your wife and marry your parents. You must choose one. You must honour your parents, but you must not allow them place control over you family. If you do, your family will be built on sentimental foundation. To build a strong and happy family, the man must leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife (Genesis 2:24, Matt. 19:5).
Keep it holy
I will not spend so much time in this one. Let me straight with you. The fastest way to destroy your marriage and family is through immorality, lies, pride, selfishness and jealousy. If you ever desire to build a strong and happy marriage and family, then flee from all appearances of lust, fornication, adultery, masturbation, incense and their likes. DO NOT TOUCH. Do not think about them. It kills faster than poison. Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men[a] 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)
Perform you responsibilities diligently
When you come into marriage, you have responsibilities. There are duties naturally designed for you. You must avoid laziness as many do. So many marriages are destroyed by laziness. Sleeping during harvest, following frivolities, big desire with no work, procrastination. So many men are in the habit of wasting time watching football matches for hours, while family issues beg for attention. If you are lazy, the chances are that you may have set out your family vision, but you cannot fulfil them because your ass is stuck to the couch all they. Work the family vision diligently. Lazy hands make for poverty, but diligent hands bring wealth. 5 He who gathers crops in summer is a prudent son, but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son. (Proverbs 10:4-5)
Communicate with your spouse always and openly
Say thing the way you mean it and the way your spouse will understand it. Many marriages have disappeared because the man or the woman could not communicate simple thing in a manner that it could be understood. Communication should be kept open, continuous, and humorous. If you need money say, ‘I need money.’ Do not start complaining about broken things or hungry people who need money. Avoid Nagging and insulting words. Avoid unwanted repetition of requests, insults and argument to have your way. From the mouth of the righteous comes the fruit of wisdom, but a perverse tongue will be silenced. The lips of the righteous know what finds favor, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse. (Proverbs 10:31-32)
Love, love and love until you drop
Love will never fail. Hold unto it. Remember that the love of God through Christ Jesus will never fail. Respect and support one another in sickness, in pain, in mistakes, in joy, in promotion and in rejection.
Do everything possible dwell in love in your family. Remember, love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Cor. 13: 4-8)
Forgive, forgive and forgive
This is the hardest part. Yes, I know. It is hardest part because I have come face to face with the experiences of many who have been hurt deep to heart. The woman slapped you. The man insulted you. The man has impregnated your junior sister living with you. The woman has gone to bed with the car driver. The woman has stolen your money. The man has refused to fulfil his financial responsibilities to the home. These are terrible offences, which no man would forgive ordinarily. But for the sake of marriage, forgiveness has no substitute. You must find a way to forgive. Look at Adam and Eve. Even though Eve caused Adam to lose his garden, his dominion and relationship with God, yet he did not divorce her. They still went ahead to live together and bore children and raised their family. Do not let offences rob you of your family. Do not be the one who will cause offences. If the offending party truly repent, forgive him/her. Marriage is the only institution where forgiveness can be truly practiced.
If you are not doing this, you are probably not building a family yet. Everything stands and fails on the family’s devotion to prayer. There is power in prayer. Prayer answers all things. To build a strong and happy family, pray without season. Stand firm together through prayer and defend your family. It is better to pray than to nag, quarrel and fight.
10 Secrets for building strong and happy marriage and family… Drop you comments, feedback and questions.