10 Most important rules for Christian dating…
Going through dating as a Christian is a life time experience. Faced with the madness in the world today, many do not know where to draw the line and what rules to follow. Without proper guidance, anything goes, leading to failure, disappointment and depression. Before you start dating, or you are already in it, here are 10 most important rules that will guide you to ultimate success. 10 Most important rules for Christian dating…
Rule #1: Remain in the place of purity
Christian dating is not worldly dating. The difference is in the purity, based on the God’s word. The first rule in Christian dating is to remain pure and holy through it. Do not go through dating and come out defiled person. Having sex while dating is an act of the foolish. What if the dating does not produce marriage? What is things breakdown along the line. Think! You have would have sold your self-worth, exchanged your spirit and your DNA with a total stranger forever.
Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to every nation. Having sexual relationship while dating is a terrible sin. It destroys the purity of the relationship and removes God’s grace from it. While in the world today, having sex while dating is a normal lifestyle, it is totally an abomination for a Christian. Keep it pure and keep it holy.
Having sex out of marriage is fornication not dating. If you are engaged in it, it time to stop, ask God for forgiveness and make a fresh start. Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished. (Proverbs 6:27-29)
Some men start demanding for sexual relationship from the first day. This is a sign that the man is not ready to make a wife out of the lady. He is looking for another sex partner to satisfy his lust. If a dating relationship is pulling you into sexual immorality, dump it and move on if the man or the lady insists on having his way. Marriage is honourable the bed undefiled.
Rule #2: Inform your Spiritual leader before you start
This rule is probably one of the most important. Some men have falling victims of dating a married woman or a lady who is already dating another man. Some ladies has also becomes victims of unknowingly marrying a married man who left his children and wife in another town. Some have dated a ghost without knowing. Many have being duped and reaped apart in the process.
Before you get into the process of dating any lady or man, go to your church spiritual leader, a Pastor, Bishop, Prophet or Apostle and inform him. Introduce the person to him. It is protection for your dating journey. If you are not a member of a local church, please find one and join.
Your spiritual leader most likely will know what you do not know about the person, because of his position. He knows who is married and who is not. He knows who is a widow. He knows who is dating who. He knows those who have complex history of broken dating experiences. He can also support you in prayers.
If the person is from a different denomination or church, go to the spiritual leader of that church and inform him. This is a critical step. Do not ignore it. When both of you face challenges or difficult questions, your spiritual leader will help guide you through it. You lose nothing.
Rule #3: Ask deep and relevant questions
Christian dating must provide openness to ask and obtain answers to deep and relevant questions. As a Christian in dating relationship, you must be ready to ask your partner a number of questions. It is not time for fantasy and window dressing.
Ask questions like:
- What actually do you want out of this relationship?
- Why do you want us to marry?
- Have you married before?
- Have you had a child before?
- What church do you attend?
- Are you born again and a believer in Christ Jesus?
- Who is your pastor?
- What makes you angry most?
- What makes you happy?
- What do you do as your work?
- How much do you earn as salary?
- How much do you save from your income?
- What is your life purpose?
- Do you smoke and do you drink?
- How many children do you want to have?
- What do you like about me?
- Do you have a health condition that requires regular medical attentions (HIV, diabetes, etc).
- What is your blood group and genotype?
- Who are your parents?
- Where do your parents and siblings live?
- Where do you want settle and live?
- What are you owing in debt?
Rule #4: Do not be in a hurry; Do not date endlessly
Do not be a hurry or develop a sense of urgency. Being in a hurry will cost you the opportunity to ask critical questions and find out important things about your partner. It will also create a sense of desperation which could scare away your partner. The bible commands us to be anxious for nothing… Do not be in a hurry to ask deep questions about money, wealth and investments. This creates the sense that you are interested on what you can get.
Give each other time to settle into the chemistry of sharing thoughts and past experiences before you dive into the flesh plucking questions.
In the same vein, dating time should not be endless. Some people date for 7 years, 9 years and end up not marrying. This leads to depression, frustration and death. Do not get into dating with someone who is relatively not sure if he/she wants to get married or not.
Long time dating means that you will most likely compromise the purity of your relationship. It could get you into having a child without marriage. Moving a lady into your house, or moving into the house of a man pregnant before you get married is not what God expects from you.
Christian dating must be pursued with clarity of timeline, keeping to the promises and expectation of each other. Get profile matching with faithful and like-minded Christians in Men of Valour Christian Dating Platform.
Rule #5: Look for spiritual growth not attendance
Dating a Christian is not about going to church or having a bible. It is not about going to see a pastor or a prophet. It is not about inviting your partner to a praying meeting. Going to a prayer meeting does not make one Christian. There has to true faith believe in Christ, shown through a new life.
Dating a Christian is about knowing the true life of the person, testified to by people who have known him/her over a period of time. It is about removing the veil of hypocrisy to know the true person you are getting married to.
Understand the Christian belief of the other person is critical. A Christian who believes that committing adultery, fighting, lying, cheating, going to night clubs, is a right and not a sin is not a Christian in character. Even if he goes to church on Sunday morning, he/she will disappoint you.
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Rule #6: Look for your inner peace
Christian dating will produce the flow inner peace in you, not fear or depression. Seek to have inner peace and adjust every other thing to produce it. If you cannot get inner peace while dating, you cannot get it after marriage.
The lack of inner peace is a sign that all is not well with your dating relationship. You may be dating the wrong person. It is a call for prayer for a better understanding of what is wrong with the relationship.
Do not stifle the flow of inner peace in you. When you have inner peace while dating, it is a sign that you are on the right direction.
Rule #7: Look for purpose not love
Life without purpose is worse than death. This rule is the bedrock for the future. Dating should reveal the essence of life and existence of each partner.
Ask for purpose in the life of your partner. Seek to see the purpose of living in him/her. Dating a man or lady without purpose will lead you to frustration after marriage. Love is not purpose. We have seen that purpose is more important than love. Without purpose, love will fade and die. With purpose, love will grow.
Purpose creates bonding between dating partners. This is why people who find a purpose they can pursue together in life are more likely to date successfully and marry. Find out what your partners love that fits into what your own interest.
Use profile matching to find a man/woman of common purpose with you. You can get profile matching from online Christian dating platforms like Men of Valour Christian Dating Platform.
Rule #8: The man should lead, not rule
The man must provide leadership in the Christian dating. This is biblical order for marriage. It starts from dating, and should be the pattern and order for all Christian singles. A man should provide leadership, and be responsible for stirring the dating to be fruitful and produce marriage.
As a lady, when dating a man and you cannot see leadership and responsibility in his character, then there is something very wrong. You have to seek counselling from your spiritual leader and pray for a change. Do not marry a man who is not ready to lead. The marriage will eventually fail.
Also, the man should show leadership not rulership. Ruling leads to intimidation, bullying, harassment and fear.
Rule #9: Stay open to friendship
Christian dating should not produce enmity, rather it should produce friendship. Stay open. Stay positive. Do not be offended when things do not work the way you expect it. Do not close the door to friendship because you found something wrong or bad about your partner. You can always find a way out and around it, especially if you can pray. When things do not work out, seek counselling.
In the course of my working as a Pastor, I have come across partners with difficult dating findings about each other. In some instance, one discovers that the other is HIV positive, has a child out-of-wedlock, or has been to prison before. Many of these issues calls for openness to find the answers that works for everyone according to their faith. Every dating experience comes with shocks, but when you stay open and prayerful, you will find answers.
Rule #10: Pray for a happy story
Christian dating is a time to test your ability to overcome challenges together in prayer. All issues of life including marriage can be solved through prayer. Give each other prayer points about your life, experience at work and ministry. Each party must believe in prayer as well as pray.
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